mentally frustrated

this won't be a happy post. or fun, exciting or anything particular riveting.

so, i have a job that i should be clearly in love with. i should adore it. i am fortunate, yes. i know this. but this feeling just digs and digs until it's this all controlling hole of doom. so today, my boss did something i never thought possible - blamed me for something i had no control over. come, gather. story time.

nevermind, no story. without going into dramatic detail, what happened today was completely disrespectful on his end. i haven't felt so belittled in such a long time (if ever), and it was, to a certain degree, rather humiliating.

so, i am going to move on. and just finish the year on a high. i think we all need a break and i need one now before i say something rash. you know.

on a side note, i am so excited to go home to texas for christmas! and so excited to sleep and eat and do everything like i am 16. but not pregnant.

i am also about to eat so we shall part ways for now.

ps, it's snowing. hello, winter.

more blogging please.

i should blog more. and it's probably criminal of me to even complain about blogging more/not enough on my actual blog. but it is true! i was looking at my side bar of posts, and it showed i only did one post in november. one! it really is the loneliest number.

welcome december. it is finally here. this year has gone by way to fast, and i can't believe we are already at the end of twenty ten. such a good year. but this isn't the post where i talk about my feelings and get nostalgic. no. this is a post where i reprimand myself for not posting enough.

i don't have much else to say. i am le tired (so take a nap...then fire ze missiles!) so i will go snuggle with my 40238304829 pillows in my bed.

'tis the season

ahh, the holiday's are upon us. i know this for the following reasons:

1. the tree at rockefeller is currently being decorated, and the ice skating rink is open for business and engagements.

2. the windows for all department stores on fifth avenue are festive and gorgeous and full of things that are impossible to wear on a regular basis. (editor's note (my own note): i have yet to experience the windows - maybe this weekend?)

3. holiday music is playing loudly in grocery stores (and what i assume to be all stores, but i've only been in grocery stores lately because...it's the holiday's!)

4. winter accessories!

5. lights all over the streets

6. as of today, the day before thanksgiving, people are setting up shop to sell christmas trees. i think the prepster apartment will be the owner of a christmas tree. maybe we should name her. NOTE: when erin and i first had our thanksgiving in nyc together, way back in 2008, we spent it in westchester with my godmother. when we came back that evening with the understanding family is the same everywhere, we found christmas trees decorating every. single. street. corner. and open for business. the smell was crisp and delicious. that smell of fresh pine that only the holidays can bring. (don't let pine-sol fool you)

7. the weather is bi-polar and currently fighting itself for attention. this has nothing to do with the holiday's, only a statement.

8. holiday movies!

now, as a new yorker (whoa!) i get to do one thing - complain about being in the greatest city in the world during the holiday season. i can make faces about tourists stopping in the middle of the road looking at...what? a building? the sun? a plane? who knows. i get to yell into my phone when i am late for something because i can blame it on holiday traffic. and those who are new yorkers all say "ahhhh" because they know what it is like. those people, even thought they may not be my friend (their loss, clearly) will all go "ahhhh" with me because they understand my plight.

the city, while amazing, is not ours right now. we kindly, gently, with some sass and a little bit of attitude, hand the city to those who come for some joy and family memories. for some high-kicking at radio city. to make their own holiday movie. yes, the city that never sleeps is being whored out and we are dealing with it.

unlike the summer, we don't have the hamptons to escape to. during the winter, we have our apartments. and, for those who are lucky - and i think that's all of us - we have our friends to keep us warm and give us the fuzzies. what i am saying, our homes in the city during the winter are what the summer homes are in the hamptons. (if i wasn't so blah i would draw you a diagram, but i think you can manage. you're smart.)

so in case anyone asks where the new yorkers are during the winter, just know this: we're not hibernating, we're entertaining.

a lounging saturday day.

as a budding socialite, wait. let me rephrase.

i have a minor goal in life to become a socialite. and to be featured on page six or as a blind item. my goals are lofty, and quite aspirational. and ones that will one day become true. i hope. i pray. i wish and hope.

so, let's resume.

as a budding socialite, i have been featured not once, but twice! on mary and annie's blog. You can read about annie and i's exploits in Los Angeles, and then you can enjoy the recap of recaps by my roommate mary for the preptser pumpkin palooza. And possibly enjoy the best picture ever. I will let you decide what that picture is.

i am watching one of the worst movies of the year, "i love you, beth cooper" and i am about to request this move be removed from hbo. so it's taking over my attention right now, this movie. and terribleness of it. i don't suggest you watch it. and if you must, have some alcohol.

and, today, i had a haircut. it was at this really great place called "salon 13" and it is on 13th and b. in texas and oklahoma, haircuts are about 30 bucks for a dude - at a salon. and that is what i was used to paying. but in nyc, the price for a haircut is about double that. and that's on the cheap end. luckily, i get a discount at bumble and bumble thanks to work, but the place can still be expensive, and the overall experience is rather overwhelming. b&b will have one person wash your hair, then another to cut it, and sometimes a new person to dry it. it's just overly complicated.

so, i have also wanted to try something new with my hair, since it's curly. and can be rather fro-ish. so, the lady who cut my hair, alx, was amazing. and she cuts hair for 'the killers' and we all know that is one of my favorite bands. so she already had points. plus! she gave me a beer to drink while she went to town. so really, the experience was way above what i was expecting, and cheaper.

that has been my day today.

boomer sooner.

welcome to cloudy la, mr. wright.

this blog will be hard to write about, because i don't want to name names or get into some details. not that i am ashamed of anything (i'm not) so i will write this blog using codes.

working for my awesome company, i get to do many fun things. i get to eat a lot of food in our awesome cafeteria, and i get to work in one of the prettiest buildings in the city.

i also get to work on an awesome project, which means i was able to take my first business trip to los angeles, california. which, was not sunny at all. and i didn't see the hollywood sign the entire time. true story.

the trip was wonderful, and i was able to visit my friend annie, who lives in los angeles and gets to see the hollywood sign all the time, and isn't sad when she can't because she lives there. and it's always there. she took me on some tours of places to eat, be seen and we shopped just a tad. on rodeo drive of course! the best part though, was being able to unwind in her perfect apartment and veg out watching gossip girl, season one, for about 7 hours. we had some scones, from bricks and scones of course, and lounged like there was no tomorrow.

we also ate in-n-out. which doesn't need an explanation or detailed description, but only, YUM! i would eat that daily. and then get fat and then be unhappy. vicious circle really.

overall, my trip to la, however cloudy, was wonderful. i accomplished what i needed to do for work, and while i had the most stressful two days of my life - i don't do well with stress because i'm sometimes a drama queen and i'm gay - it was perfect. it helped me grow in my position, so i know what to expect. and i'm prepared for a lot of things now. and when someone asks me about a stressful situation and how it was handled, i have the perfect story. and it goes like this:

"i went on a business trip, working on the ... "

you know you love me.

xoxo

let's go to the movies.

just yesterday i had the best idea eh-eh-eh-v-er for a blog post. and just yesterday, i forgot said blog post. such is life. and yet, here i am, trying to reclaim said blog post.

a weekly tradition has been enacted here at the prepster apartment. sunday funday brunch and movies. i say tradition because when the weather begins to cool, and we can't really enjoy the outdoor weather because it's the same temperature of the north pole, we're going to need to do something indoors. and that my friends, is the worst sentence and thought process ever. basically, it's only been two weeks. and those two weeks have been practice. we've been watching a shameful (note: i'm not really ashamed) amount of disney films. not like, homeward bound disney. i mean, disney classic animated films.

oddly, for someone such as myself who loves film, i've seen very few of the classic ones. but the renaissance disney films, i can recite by heart. anyway, i know what you are thinking: what do you wear?!

we wear pajamas. duh.

and i also know what you are thinking now: what do you eat?!

simple really. brunch food. this past week we - ok. i should said who we is. we is myself. and jill. soon, more people will come forth in our sunday funday extravaganza, but that is a case by case basis. and also, when they decide to come over. we act exclusive, but we love everyone. we're like glee! so anyway, we made stuffed raisin bread french toast. and then watched three disney films. once we've exhausted our disney vault, we will move onto a new genre. john hughes. musicals. movies that make you cringe at the very mention (any movie hillary duff has ever starred in (OH I JUST REMEMBERED MY POST IDEA - it's about movie stars (using that term lightly) and what they do after they hit their peak!); any movie based off an SNL skit; cuba gooding jr.) - the ideas are endless! but brunch will always be in our stomachs. plus, i love brunch food. and entertaining. don't you?

it's time for me to go to bed, and i hope you are all thinking about brunch now. cheerio.

mushing of the mind

for everyone not living in new york city, and those who believe fashion is about engrossing as the paving of a sidewalk, friday night marked the second annual "fashion's night out." basically, every major store in midtown - parts of madison avenue and fifth avenue - as well as the meatpacking district and soho had events. these events ranged from staying open past eight in the evening, to having full on open bars. i preferred the latter.

it's a great event which was the brain child of one, ms. anna wintour. and i am really content to see so many stores taking part. essentially, the goal was to get people to shop when the entire economy was in shambles, and it is still the goal. these stores have celeb appearances, champagne and little marketing ploys to get you in. for instance, gant had half naked models standing outside the store. abercrombie, eat your heart out. which reminds me to never walk by the abercrombie store on fifth because they are PUMPING their cologne/scent-of-preteen-children out into the open and it reeks.

so, gant, i love gant clothing. tres adore. michael bastian is currently designing the line - it's a mens line only - and he is just amazing. it's such great stuff! i suggest you check, check, check it out. like, right now. i'll wait.

anyway, most people go cray cray over celeb guests, or celeb appearances. or just a plain ole celeb sighting. just last post, i saw chelsea clinton and totally kept it together. i could have had a conversation with her and not even broken a sweat. what i am trying to say, celebs don't get to me. i never would turn into a bowl of soggy cheerios just because i was talking to chelsea clinton. however, jake gyllenhaal is a totally different matter though.

back to the main road, i find out that michael bastian is AT GANT! i have him sign my book. i get to take a picture with him. i turn into a soggy bowl of cheerios and can't say anything or relative intelligence. i look like a bumbling fool. i probably acted like a bumbling fool too. so now, i see celebs don't bother me. fashion designers though, i love. i. love.

overall, a very successful evening. i hope you are all able to come visit and enjoy the very fashionable night out.

ps, if i wasn't so freaking tired, i would go into more detail about the amount of weird clothing i saw, and how i think it could be better. maybe next post. au revoir.

have you-uh seen the-uh cow

good evening readers (at the time of this posting at least)

this has been a much needed weekend of relaxation and lounging. which, is just fine by me. to recap, friday, erin and i went and has a slumber party, watching movies from our past. specifically, "my best friends wedding" which was a phrase i stated often when sean tied the knot with jami.

side note, i don't know if i actually did a recap of said wedding, but it was beautiful and classy. the men wore tuxes, and the women wore long dresses. the bride wore white too.

after seeing julia in "eat, pray, love" i have decided i like her more when she is fun and bubbly. don't get me wrong, i love "erin brockovich" but her laugh and smile was made for romantic comedies. "notting hill" being my favorite.

also, to coincide with america's sweetheart, today, monday, i saw the one and only chelsea clinton in chelsea returning many wedding gifts. i wish she was in my social circle.

i am having sever add right now....so i will do the rest of the post in about 30 min or so...

ok, i am back. somewhat settled.

so erin and i had a great night of movie watching, which was then followed by a drunken brunch. brunch happens to be one of my favorite meals. i mean, breakfast is also one of my favorite meals, but brunch just is more relaxing. and more apt for alcohol.

and speaking of "notting hill" about a few lines up, it is on. and i am going to watch it. my add is pleased.

over the hill

i am now officially over the hill. at least, in my 20s. which ain't no thaaaaang.

now that that is out of my system...

i had a great birthday full of wonderful friends and laughter. mary decorated my door and it was pure love. and she managed to find the coolest glassware around. i also treated myself with my birthday money to a few fancy purchases of the burberry kind. if you know me, you know i love burberry. j'adore burberry more specifically. so i feel pretty, oh so pretty. i am hoping to enact a burberry night where mary and i drink to our prepsterness and lounge in our burberry attire. the ladies who lunch have a few new members and a possible alcohol problem.

work is getting busy. busier. so i need to work on "my organizational skills" which is a direct quote from my boss. and i mean, i understand i am not super organized at all times, but i have my own way of doing things and it makes sense to me. it just annoys me that he assumes i am going to rethink my entire way of business skills because he wants things done a certain way. in all my life, it's a two way street. so i find it annoying because i find myself unproductive, constantly stepping around things, wondering if i should do that or not do that. i think it also stems from the fact my boss needs constant attention. and even today, i was talking to someone and he pulls me into his office only to ask what the person wanted. it was bizarre. bizarre i tell you. biiiiiizzzzzzaaaaaaare.

on a completely different note, i have noticed my midsection is starting to resemble a bagel. which stems from me eating A LOT of bagels. so i am going on a little diet (very little, like i won't always have the last bite) and starting to run again (run, like 1 mile at a time. let's not get fancy.) i would think with the stress of my job and the stress of being awesome at all times would make me lose weight like that, but no. it takes work. and if it is because i just became a man of a certain age, my body and i are going to have some words.

i am going to watch the little mermaid with the rooms. honest.

birthday weekend!

happy august people. and happy birthday week to me. as you may or, most likely, not know, my birthday is this week. and it is my golden birthday since i will be turning the same age as my birthdate. my mom said she should get an award for birthing me, and i said she should. but after me of course.

i am quite excited about this birthday. i don't know why really. sean, my best friend, came with his now wife for our birthday last year, as we have the same birthday. he is one year older however. but it was great to see him. nostalgic thinking right now. all together now, awwww. but this year, i will be with friends, at a job i love, and will top it off in rhode island to see my close friends who are my extended family. again, all together now, awwww. and...happy birthday!

to kick off my birthday, mary and i hosted a little housewarming party to great fanfare. the apartment is much larger than i thought to hold people, and i think will be a great place to have parties. i hope mary agrees.

by the way, this is a little bothersome. you see, i wanted to go to a gay club called "splash" here in new york city. and i was bringing all of my friends for the event. however, we were turned away at the door for reasons that are summed to me as this: too many girls, not enough dudes. which i find quite hypocritical for a world who wants to be accepting, but then has all these clauses on what is allowed and not allowed. it's rude. and we were treated rudely. we met all the dress code criteria, if there was one. and trust me, my friends are pretty. much prettier than the people waiting to get in line. honestly, i want an explanation. so clearly, the only way to get one is to blog about it. ugh.

but that won't stop me from having a monumental birthday with people i love.

also, mary has decorated our apartment in the most amazing fashion. vintage and 60s flow through the living room and i love it. you. will. die. it's just awesome. i love our space. come visit. anytime.

happy birthday to everyone else.

today is friday.

it's officially the middle of summer. maybe not officially, but i have deemed it as such because it is the middle of july.

to note: it's japan day in our cafeteria. but we won't eat there today. we being the minions of my company. no no, we will be heading to goodburger for a joyous friday meal. my goal is to eat a huge cow and have it soak up any lingering toxins from the debauchery of last night. which would be thursday night. for those who need help keeping up with dates and such (read: me).

i had a friend from home (the great state of texas) come in for a visit. but not to visit me personally, for an NYU immersion thing. so, we went to a gallery opening in chelsea. not so much an opening, but the premiere of the new collection. it was interesting, and there were a few pieces i enjoyed but not sure if i would purchase them. plus, they were photographs. and as a former photographer, i am intrigued by the ability for people to charge upwards of 15,000 bucks for a photograph. photography just interests me in the whole process.

for instance, it is such a manipulative artform. you are able to edit things by cropping and what not. i need to form my thought more clearly, but i hope you are able to see where i am going. and some things are just happy accidents. i don't know. i love some photographs and they really speak to me, but it's one of those things that i am wary of because it can be so molded. but i guess the other argument is all art can be manipulated as such. i should read more about this. and then present my findings in a better form.

and how interesting to have a huge series of pictures and then you just pick one. i want to know why they picked that particular one. the context. the reason. but you don't get that sometimes. i like to be informed. that's why i like smart people who are smart in an area (sean for tech, mary and co. for art, val for food) because they can inform me with these things.

we also went to nobu, an asian restaurant that is celeb worthy most of the time. i will say i didn't care for it. so when the mighty chef himself freaks out, i will say i have had better sushi at whole foods. there. i said it. block me.

my stomach is growling. must. eat.

let's build mountains

So a lot has happened in the past month. And I am so sorry I haven’t actually kept up with my blog. But such is life when life happens. But my goal is to work on this more. I think it’s a good outlet of things and I know all of you are just dying to know my life.

On june 28th, I moved from my upper east side apartment to an apartment in the village. I have a new roommate by the name of mary (she has a blog which she shares with her best friend who lives in LA and you can follow her at the link to the right) and she is going to be wonderful to live with. I can just tell. I honestly can’t wait to see what is in store. And now that I have new digs, I have added to my furniture collection and I think my bedroom is officially done. I don’t want to post pictures because I don’t want you design snobs to judge.

What I love about the new apartment is the location. It is so convenient to anything I do. Work is a straight shot up to the building. And the subways, like all of them, are literally right around the corner. Plus, there are delicious restaurants and bars so close and it’s just a great place to live. I don’t think I will ever get this lucky so I better enjoy it now. My goal is to start visiting the neighborhood haunts more and more and staying away from the same old. I want to be a master of this area. Which I think is an excellent goal for the time being. I just need to make sure I watch my wallet too.

But since I am living more downtown, I think/I hope my cabs will be fewer and cheaper than living in the high 80s. and this will give me a few extra dollars to spare. Only time will tell though about this but already I have a great feeling.

Living with mary will bring a whole new group of friends into my life and I am more than excited to have them. I really like how we all have the same interests and enjoy doing the same things – we don’t mind braving the 16 dollar movie ticket, and we enjoy art (but they know far more than me) – so it’s refreshing to have that in my life. Not that I am getting old, and want to say I am old, but working in the “real world” you learn that it’s not always about partying and coming home at 4 in the morning. It eventually catches up, and you don’t have anything to show for it. But the arts and movies and food and wine, well that is what makes your life rich and noteworthy.

In addition to the above friends, I have also found a great group of friends in the working world. Which is probably odd for some, and might not be the best idea to others, but it’s great to go out with these people and let loose. Where I work can be an interesting place to say the least, and it’s very high school to sit at the lunch table and discuss the events. Not in a catty way, but these are people who are dealing with the same thing as me, so we can all vent or help each other out in some way or another.

And while work can be stressful for no good reason, I love that we can have fun with each other. We keep it professional of course at work, so don’t worry.

In big news, I bought myself the iphone 4. I should say my mom bought it actually. But I love it, and it has changed my life. Overstatement of the year most likely.

and now, i am off to bed.

glee is on and the songs suck.

essentially, i don't know where i belong.

my last post, i discussed my lack of emotional attachment to the ads i was creating, and inability to muster any creative juices.

recently, i began a new job and it has been an interesting place to begin. it's not advertising, but rather marketing. and i was very excited to start this new chapter because i thought of all the new possibilities it would bring. so i went into it with new hopes and dreams, wondering what i would become in a few short years.

but a few things happened:

one, it was helping a friend concept and work on the creative for their campaign - this was done as part of their 4A's program. and i loved it. i missed it. i missed the idea of being part of a team and thinking of ways to make a brand come alive.

two, i began looking at my job in a new way. which was how it was going to be creative in the future. the problem was, it wasn't. the people involved in my area are constantly working to just sell. the creativity is not there. and the work environment isn't terrible, don't get me wrong, it's just different.

i feel like i have to constantly play down something and try to become something i don't think i am meant for.

i just don't know where i belong anymore. or how i am supposed to make it. i love advertising. and i dream advertising. so now i think i am getting too far removed from it.

i love advertising. but maybe not the advertising i thought i loved?

this might be a word vomit post.

the first few moments of spring have occured. and i must say, the city of new york is a glorious place to be. she looks great dressed in sunlight. all bright and cheerful. like a well dressed woman who is showing some leg for the first time in a while. a welcome shock that sends your heart racing just a wee bit.

a lot has happened in the past few weeks and i would love the chance to share.

first, we all know i have been trying to better myself through the education of higher learning from SVA. it's been a great run, but i have realized that i overdid it by taking two classes this semester. i should have stuck with one and focused all my attention on that. with that, i am thinking about taking the class, or one of the classes over again next semester. that is, if i don't have a job by then. which, let's hope i do. this economy better get the ball rolling in kicking butt again because i am not going to have it any longer. nor do i think most other people will either. it's a pretty depressing state still.

however, these classes have taught me something. and that something is this: i might not really love creative as much as i thought i did when i first started out. i mean, i love being creative and i love creating things and it is truely a gift that i have. so i am pretty fortunate. but, the whole experience has left this dreadful taste in my mouth. working on the ads, i find myself not even inspired or able to think. it becomes a frustrating endeavor because i just can't get into it! i don't understand. i stare and the paper and keep working on ideas and everything just feels ridiculous. not even a new idea comes to me. and i try to just go crazy.

but i have had this mentality that i am afraid of failing. i blame school for this. because it has ingrained in me this idea that i need to get an 'A' and if i don't, then i have failed as an individual, and therefore have brought shame to my parents for not succeeding and shame to my professors who thought i could have done better.

but i think the true error in all of this is that people in advertising try to pigeon hole you into one thing or another. Copywriter. Art Director. Account. i don't think that you should or can. i do agree some people are better with art than others. And some like words more than others. It's their choice. But i love both. i enjoy layouts and words. additionally, i think that it is important to know both and realize how both work. maybe though, that is what portfolio school is for? oh gosh, another can of worms i just opened.

through this storm of self discovery, i actually have some great news! an amazing agency by the name of mccann erickson called me and told me i was part of their summer internship program as a copywriter! which is by far awesome of awesome. i danced and jumped on the corner of 87th and lexington.

it might not be the best thing to take an internship. afterall, i am almost two years out of college and should get on with my life. but the world (read: the u.s. economy) managed to implode on itself and happened to do it right when i was graduating. sweet.

i am still looking for the job of a lifetime. or the job for right now. i am pretty blessed to have parents and friends who are still supportive. i owe them something nice when i get rich.

snow day.

today was a snow day for much of manhattan. which is really odd when you think about it because i figured as a city, we would be more than ready for a snow storm. we do have an underground transportation system afterall. but really, it gave everyone and their sweatered dog a reason to leave work early or not go to work at all. which is fine by me.

except, snow hurts. i was pelted in the eye twice by those pretty, light-as-a-feather droplets of frozen beauty. straight in the eye. and it didn't hit me gingerly either. it was like the firing of a musket from above straight into my eye. my left eye, both times, to be exact. that story is neither here nor there.

this week has also given me my first foray into food poisoning. judging by the effects i endured, i would never wish for that on anyone. the jury is still out on the culprit of said poisoning, but let's just say i haven't really changed my diet. i will never learn. but it did make me yearn for my mother and her tender care to take excellent care of me. instead, i hobbled to my own kitchen to fetch my own water which was just a tad to cold for my poor souls liking. and i am kidding. but not really. i do miss my mom and her always there with food and drink self. it's hard being an adult and taking care of yourself. i should have been better prepared for life.

internship is going well too. i have realized i excel in my writing once i have a greater understanding of the client and the actual goal of the campaign. and i guess that is a pretty duh statement, but once i get emotionally invested, we are good to go.

and classes are going well. i like the copywriting class more than the portfolio class. which is ridiculous because the are basically the same class, just in a different building with different professors. but i like the criticalness of them. and the ability to show my work, however shitty it is. more on the classes later for sure. i am going to bed because i am le tired.

oh look, the future is portable.

http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/02/ipad-future/

that above article is really quite interesting on what the future will be for computing. but also, will bring about a new way of advertising? a cleaner way of advertising perhaps?

i don't actually own an iphone. and it isn't because i don't dream about it on a regular basis. i am an apple person. but my family has a carrier other than AT&T, and really, this is getting quite personal isn't it? oh well. i love apple products. end of the paragraph.

but really, i am trying to make a point on advertising. such as, how will advertising work on these new pads? how will advertising work for these new "apps" that are what some say are improvements on the original site. and by some, i mean the person who wrote the article.

i hope advertising does become cleaner. and less annoying. but i wish we didn't need a new thing to do that for us.

i'm not afraid of school.

so, i have begun a grand escape into higher education. the school of visual arts (sva) is my new home for two classes - portfolio and copywriting. monday was my first class, and it was a doozy. it made me have a tidal wave of emotions that i haven't felt in a long time. most importantly, it made me realize my huge and undying love for advertising.

which, i think is the most important take away from this next semester. as i have been living in nyc for almost 2 years, i have constantly viewed my career as futile. i have had internships and minor jobs, but never a real job, with a real salary and benefits. so i think for me, and most other people in my predicament, i have searched and searched to understand if my job was the right one for me because if it was, then i would be employed.

but then, you have to remember you are one in a million, or thousand at least, in the same situation, gunning for the same thing. which sucks about as hard as being eaten by a bear. because it's a recession, and the economy is an ugly thing right now. and to add with that, you are also competing for the same thing as everyone else.

thirty minutes into the class, i knew i loved it. and i was going to love advertising. it has been a good while since i have been in a classroom, and a while since i have been allowed to think creatively. and it was a glorious and amazing thing to be given full freedom to just create.

i hope these classes give me some great and amazing and lovely things to put in my portfolio. because let's be honest, i want a job. it's my dream and it's exactly who i am.

good news.

The past few days have been rather interesting in job searching.

Part A)

I have been searching for internships to coincide with my schooling. I have just been cold calling agencies and someone actually answered. talking to the person on the other line, it sounded like i might have a decent chance. they never said no, or that they didn't have any space. i figured if they didn't have room, or weren't interested in general, they would have said no. or given me the brush off.

a few weeks went by and i heard nothing, so i followed up. it was right before the holidays and i knew most agencies were closed or not even thinking of hiring/internships/etc. again, she just asked me to give my link to view my work.

PS, i am trying really hard not to say "he" or "she" so i am doing my best to keep it generic.

anyway, received an email later that day saying they had viewed my work and didn't have anything at the time. fair enough.

it just got me really down because it sounded like i had a shot. or at least, something could come of it. and maybe i am not what they are looking for. which is fine. and i totally respect that. but it's rough and difficult to think you see some light at the end of the tunnel and it's gone. just like that. i guess i would have enjoyed a little more upfrontness of it when i first began talking to the agency. such as "well, we might have an internship. it depends on such and such." or "we don't have anything available."

the second sentence is actually what was responded to me. followed by keeping my info on file. it's terrible when all you want is experience and to do what you love and you can't even do that. but it makes me want it more.

Part B)

i had applied for an internship for an agency and went in for an interview this morning. turns out, they liked me and i I will begin next monday. it's a chance for me to remember what agencies are like, and to work on some excellent brands writing long copy. it's two days a week and i hope i will learn a lot that will give me the experience to hit up some bigger agencies or at least find a job as a junior copywriter.

the position will be for one month. talking to HR, she said if it is a good fit, and i am enjoying it they will extend it. sounds promising. i just need to soak up as much as possible during this stint and really make my mark.

interestingly, it doesn't seem like an internship program, like other agencies i have worked with during college. so i feel this might feel more like a "freelance" position, even though it will be an internship.

this doesn't mean i am going to stop looking for positions, or give up on school. this is just the start of what i need for the new year.

interview one of the new year

i have just returned home from an interview. that's right, a real interview. it is for an internship position as a graphic designer.

i was awake, bright and early - well, it was 6:30 in the a.m. so not that bright - and arrived at the pearly gates around 8:35. i was ten minutes early for my interview and waited patiently for security to make contact with my contact. for the next thirty minutes, i stood in the grand lobby waiting. around me, other interns gabbed and cooed at each other, while i stood around wondering if i was an idiot or had made a mistake on the time, location, etc.

eventually, someone i knew let me up to the building and i waited in their "lobby" for 5 minutes. the interviewee was about forty-five minutes late to the interview and apologized. that's all you really can do in that instance.

the interview went fine. she never looked me in the eye and kept saying "Hmmm, Hmmmm." Followed by, "you have a lot of experience." i do have experience. but not enough experience. i want more experience so people will hire me instead of saying "you have a lot of experience." it's a constant circular battle.

i actually do want the internship. it is for a great company and i know i would learn tons as a designer. and who knows, it might even parlay into an actual job.

what i have gained from this experience is that no matter how prepared you are, people are already going to have their perceptions of you and your work. there is no going around that. so it's all about presentation and being present. ready to jump on their critiques and prove them otherwise. i didn't do that as much this time, but i will next time i have an interview.

so nice. so nice.

it's cold in new york city, and it isn't unusual. more of a statement. the real annoyance with the cold though, is the amount of clothes you have to put on in order to leave the apartment. it's like, you have to pile it all on, and the second you enter a building, you have to take it all off. because all the buildings are warm. hot. so you essentially look like a bag lady carrying all of your luggage trying to find something in a store. plus, you have encourage your coats and baggage not to hit everything in sight, thus knocking down precious goods.

other than that, today has been pretty full of exercise and reading. i just started "the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay" and am hoping it's as good as they say.

hitting the pavement

today, i was keeping with my resolutions and called/emailed for jobs.

so, i begin school in two weeks. and i am excited. i can't wait to get back into advertising, being creative and thinking creative and being with people who love advertising just as much as me.

so, to keep me involved, i am searching for internships/jobs. it's a painful experience and one i don't wish upon anyone. ever. jobs are hard right now, and i am completely aware of the competition out there. i just wish someone was on the other end to answer my phone call. or reply to my email.

today, i think i applied for about 6 "opportunities". they are ones i actually feel passion for, and they made me excited to submit my resume. so i hope i hear something.

as for the rest of my day, i did nothing. i stayed in my pajamas. grueling. i know.

on a total side note, i am wearing my retainer and hope my teeth stay straight. random, i know.

so, i have been meaning to blog for a while, and never really got to do it. and i realized it's because i don't have a reason to really blog. while i know my life is hugely entertaining to basically no one but myself and my close friends, who don't really read this, i didn't want to bore people with tales of grocery shopping and walking to the subway.

BUT! i have a reason. now.

i have been a graduate from OU for about 1.5 years. which is a good solid time to be out and about on my own. i've had excellent internships and work experience. but now, i am going back to school (portfolio school). and looking for a new job as a copywriter in advertising. so this blog, for now, will be of those adventures.

my goal is to document my interviews, school, and at the same time, write. i won't name agencies, or name people unless they are super famous and it has nothing to do with my advertising endeavors.

i'm excited about this. and hope you are too.