my my my, i haven't written anything in a while. my bad. i should be better. i need to be better.
i'm slowly trying to have a complete overhaul of my life. nothing like, changing my personality (i'm already your sassy best friend! and almost perfect!) but more like, getting on an adult schedule. eating better. being a more productive member of society. those things.
sometimes, i think, "whoa, it's like i never graduated college." which needs some actual explanation. i don't party all the time, and i don't do stupid things (usually) and i don't skip work. but what i do do is stay up later than i should. eat more than i should. get the extra drink when i should stay home.
i'm trying to combat that stuff with growing up. but i guess, the real question is, when do we become - and i shudder when i say this - more like our parents. i mean this in the way that, my parents have their routine, and know what's going on and live very good lives. i feel though, my life is still sporadic and random, and i have no set schedule. i can't even get my laundry done at the same time. my mom can cook a meal with anything, and i have a meltdown the second i step into a grocery store.
when does that change for us? is it a family? kids? significant others? i can't tell you. i wish i could. but it escapes me. it's not that i am not driven, or anything. i just need to get a grip on life, hold on, and see what is going on.
don't let this come across as me becoming boring, or square. no. but what i want is the ability to get up at 7am and go to the gym. and the ability to cook meals that require some knowledge of using a stove. i want to get on the boat of responsibility and see what happens. that boat is rocking, and i'm not knocking on it and i don't have a life vest for life right now. i'm blindly trying to find my way. which, is common for people our age, i hope. it's scary to think, that even with my education and my upbringing and smarts, i don't know how to get steady again.
maybe, it's because i don't want to let friends down. and maybe it's because i don't want to miss something. there are so many 'maybe's' in this, i need to have a solid. i need that foundation because i think it's time that i understand the importance of being an adult.
i'm slowly trying to have a complete overhaul of my life. nothing like, changing my personality (i'm already your sassy best friend! and almost perfect!) but more like, getting on an adult schedule. eating better. being a more productive member of society. those things.
sometimes, i think, "whoa, it's like i never graduated college." which needs some actual explanation. i don't party all the time, and i don't do stupid things (usually) and i don't skip work. but what i do do is stay up later than i should. eat more than i should. get the extra drink when i should stay home.
i'm trying to combat that stuff with growing up. but i guess, the real question is, when do we become - and i shudder when i say this - more like our parents. i mean this in the way that, my parents have their routine, and know what's going on and live very good lives. i feel though, my life is still sporadic and random, and i have no set schedule. i can't even get my laundry done at the same time. my mom can cook a meal with anything, and i have a meltdown the second i step into a grocery store.
when does that change for us? is it a family? kids? significant others? i can't tell you. i wish i could. but it escapes me. it's not that i am not driven, or anything. i just need to get a grip on life, hold on, and see what is going on.
don't let this come across as me becoming boring, or square. no. but what i want is the ability to get up at 7am and go to the gym. and the ability to cook meals that require some knowledge of using a stove. i want to get on the boat of responsibility and see what happens. that boat is rocking, and i'm not knocking on it and i don't have a life vest for life right now. i'm blindly trying to find my way. which, is common for people our age, i hope. it's scary to think, that even with my education and my upbringing and smarts, i don't know how to get steady again.
maybe, it's because i don't want to let friends down. and maybe it's because i don't want to miss something. there are so many 'maybe's' in this, i need to have a solid. i need that foundation because i think it's time that i understand the importance of being an adult.
now that i have typed all this, i wonder if this is what people call "responsibility." ugh.
It's not easy being in that awkward stage between jailbait and cougar...
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