last night, i went to an event party with my former coworkers. bourbon was the drink of the evening, and that is what i drank. i've never drank bourbon before, and will never put that poison to my lips ever again. basically, i was body slammed and came home feeling like my 21st birthday, but worse. i'm being honest. i have no idea what happened. but, there is more to the story than my drinking.
living in new york, one gets to experience a lot of different people and lot of different cultures. this also gives people what i assume a very open mind, and the ability to be accepting. except, like always, i'm not (w)right, but rather wrong.
while i was enjoying the poison with my friends, a man came up and tried to talk to us. being with girls, i understood the appeal. so i humored the stranger for a short while and then moved my arm and body to signify we were done with the conversation. he starts getting irate and starts yelling at me about all sorts of things that were neither here nor there. i turn around and tell him "we're done here" and ask him to leave us alone. well, he didn't. he started yelling more and said the ultimate word "faggot." he said this many times in the course of a few sentences and i was beyond any emotion. i felt disgraced, humiliated, broken and ugly. the words were delivered with a sense of hate, and that's something you can't just get over.
you would think, being from texas, i would have encountered more words like this, with attitudes to match. but i never did. i had a great childhood and an even more perfect family and friends. never did i ever feel wrong. so, to be called a faggot in a bar in front of friends in a neighborhood that is known to be a gay area, was shocking and still hurtful.
words, as i am sure many of you know, hurt. i've never experienced the full extent of that phrase until now. it's humbling.
i'm a fun person, i like to believe. and i am pretty liberal in many things and to have that word thrown is jarring. while the sentences were flying and the words were being hurled, i was mildly frightened about where the upcoming actions might escalate. do i fight? well, i have never been in a fight and the guy was bigger in weight than me. and i didn't know if he was going to just punch me and that was it. i didn't know what was going to happen. but i knew i didn't feel safe. but i think this was the first time in this city i have never felt unsafe,
all things considering, it ended fine. the security people took him outside and he left. nothing much to say really. done and done. and even if there was something else to say, i couldn't tell you because shortly afterwards, the poison took hold of me and my body.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
total eclipse of my heart
today, the entire color palate of red threw up on the world. and i'm not one to hate on valentine's day just because i'm single right now. nope, i'm not one of those people who bemoans it and then goes all martha (as in stewart) on the holiday when they are with someone. but i do think it's an overrated holiday and just an annoying waste of red.
beside, if i want chocolate, i will buy myself chocolate. i don't need a man to buy that for me. same thing with flowers. and diamonds...well, i won't get to hasty. if he wants to buy me diamond, gggguuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllll, it better be cartier, in a red box and big enough to make me throw off security when i walk through JFK. so, maybe there is a reason to get behind the color red.
i digress. on the subway today, everyone had roses and balloons and stuffed bears. it was exhausting to watch. even when i was dating M, and during our time together, valentine's day came and i think i told him something along the lines of this:
me: can't we just order pizza or something and watch a movie?
it's not that i am unromantic. and it's not because i didn't care about him (i did and still do, and we still talk!) i just didn't want to celebrate our relationship with everyone else watching and doing the same.
side note, for valentine's day, i bought M this mr. potato head doll from the disney store that looked like donald duck because that was his favourite character and it meant something to him. see, that was much better than flowers. plus, i played with him. the duck, not him. this isn't a romance blog.
anyway, i don't really need one exclusive day to be all lovey dovey. you feel me? plus, if you really do care, and can't decide what cartier item would look best on me, or what burberry trench i need, then surprise me with something on any other day of the year with something that is really thoughtful and all about me.
like, cartier. all i want right now, is cartier.
PS, this is the worst constructed entry ever. but i'm far to lazy to actually edit.
beside, if i want chocolate, i will buy myself chocolate. i don't need a man to buy that for me. same thing with flowers. and diamonds...well, i won't get to hasty. if he wants to buy me diamond, gggguuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllll, it better be cartier, in a red box and big enough to make me throw off security when i walk through JFK. so, maybe there is a reason to get behind the color red.
i digress. on the subway today, everyone had roses and balloons and stuffed bears. it was exhausting to watch. even when i was dating M, and during our time together, valentine's day came and i think i told him something along the lines of this:
me: can't we just order pizza or something and watch a movie?
it's not that i am unromantic. and it's not because i didn't care about him (i did and still do, and we still talk!) i just didn't want to celebrate our relationship with everyone else watching and doing the same.
side note, for valentine's day, i bought M this mr. potato head doll from the disney store that looked like donald duck because that was his favourite character and it meant something to him. see, that was much better than flowers. plus, i played with him. the duck, not him. this isn't a romance blog.
anyway, i don't really need one exclusive day to be all lovey dovey. you feel me? plus, if you really do care, and can't decide what cartier item would look best on me, or what burberry trench i need, then surprise me with something on any other day of the year with something that is really thoughtful and all about me.
like, cartier. all i want right now, is cartier.
PS, this is the worst constructed entry ever. but i'm far to lazy to actually edit.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
nyfw
two times a year, a wonderful thing happens to the big apple: fashion week. abbreviated to "nyfw" this is the time designers come, models stop eating and people who want to be thought of as avant-garde bring out the crazy and wear their closet with pride.
i know it might seem a little typical, but i love fashion. i think it is a really interesting form of art, and is a nifty way for people to express themselves. often, i always wish i could dress like a runway model (and often dream about their body...different conversation) but what i have slowly realized is this: the runway looks you often see are not made for "normal wear" - instead, they are heightened fashion outfits - not made to be copied but rather influence how you dress. basically, take a few pieces you love from the line, and make it your own.
so, because i like to pretend i am a budding socialite (i swear, if i do become a socialite, and people read this, i am joking) i was able to partake in the festivities known as nyfw. this was my first fashion show, for perry ellis. a few things to take away:
1. shows do not start on time. it's like, everyone is on european time and saunters in at least 20 minutes past the scheduled start time.
2. not all the shows are at the tents. note, the "tents" are at lincoln center and are the center of it all. the hub if you will. many designers have their own/rented/borrowed spaces throughout the city to show their line. the bigger the show/designer/name/money - the more likely you can find it at the tents.
3. this is going to be obvious, but watching a show online or on the designers site is MUCH different than actually watching it live and in the flesh. the shows themselves, they are fucking exciting.
4. the tents themselves, they don't hold thousands of people. maybe a few hundred. so to get a ticket to them, it's a big deal because well, compare that to however many people live in the city and want to see the fashion week shows.
so the show! i brought mary to the show and we were sitting in the fourth row at the end of the runway. we had a great vantage point because we would be able to see the models walk the long walk down and pause in front of us before turning around. and without warning, the lights went down, and the whole tent stopped talking. you can't even get that to happen in a movie theatre! and all of a sudden, it began. the music starts, a model appears and the lights queue to bright and it happens. look after look, the models did everything you expect them to do.
the shows are fast. 10-15 minutes of men strutting down the runway looking hot. you almost can't take it all in. but, what got me, was the energy. even though it is fast, you are so excited to see the next look, and for me, you want to revisit looks. there were some pieces i wanted to steal and, let's be honest, some of the models too. it should be like, free model with purchase. i die.
as my first fashion show, i felt like a million dollars. just walking through the main line and showing our tickets for reserved seating was the best feeling in the world. i don't know, i know i am still quite low on the totem pole, but i felt like i had arrived or something corny like that. fashion shows are just things to a lot of people, and i was able to make it a reality by actually attending one. even better, i was glad mary could join me: i feel like shows are something you should experience with people you love. kind of like, expensive wine and your first arrest. and i'm pretty sure we both were on cloud nine afterwards.
new york fashion week. it's a fucking rush.
also, mary blogged and her take can be found here.
i know it might seem a little typical, but i love fashion. i think it is a really interesting form of art, and is a nifty way for people to express themselves. often, i always wish i could dress like a runway model (and often dream about their body...different conversation) but what i have slowly realized is this: the runway looks you often see are not made for "normal wear" - instead, they are heightened fashion outfits - not made to be copied but rather influence how you dress. basically, take a few pieces you love from the line, and make it your own.
so, because i like to pretend i am a budding socialite (i swear, if i do become a socialite, and people read this, i am joking) i was able to partake in the festivities known as nyfw. this was my first fashion show, for perry ellis. a few things to take away:
1. shows do not start on time. it's like, everyone is on european time and saunters in at least 20 minutes past the scheduled start time.
2. not all the shows are at the tents. note, the "tents" are at lincoln center and are the center of it all. the hub if you will. many designers have their own/rented/borrowed spaces throughout the city to show their line. the bigger the show/designer/name/money - the more likely you can find it at the tents.
3. this is going to be obvious, but watching a show online or on the designers site is MUCH different than actually watching it live and in the flesh. the shows themselves, they are fucking exciting.
4. the tents themselves, they don't hold thousands of people. maybe a few hundred. so to get a ticket to them, it's a big deal because well, compare that to however many people live in the city and want to see the fashion week shows.
so the show! i brought mary to the show and we were sitting in the fourth row at the end of the runway. we had a great vantage point because we would be able to see the models walk the long walk down and pause in front of us before turning around. and without warning, the lights went down, and the whole tent stopped talking. you can't even get that to happen in a movie theatre! and all of a sudden, it began. the music starts, a model appears and the lights queue to bright and it happens. look after look, the models did everything you expect them to do.
the shows are fast. 10-15 minutes of men strutting down the runway looking hot. you almost can't take it all in. but, what got me, was the energy. even though it is fast, you are so excited to see the next look, and for me, you want to revisit looks. there were some pieces i wanted to steal and, let's be honest, some of the models too. it should be like, free model with purchase. i die.
as my first fashion show, i felt like a million dollars. just walking through the main line and showing our tickets for reserved seating was the best feeling in the world. i don't know, i know i am still quite low on the totem pole, but i felt like i had arrived or something corny like that. fashion shows are just things to a lot of people, and i was able to make it a reality by actually attending one. even better, i was glad mary could join me: i feel like shows are something you should experience with people you love. kind of like, expensive wine and your first arrest. and i'm pretty sure we both were on cloud nine afterwards.
new york fashion week. it's a fucking rush.
also, mary blogged and her take can be found here.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
you know you love me
gossip girl has returned. and i love it. it's like, major fluff for your brain. it's deliciously styled (i wish i dressed like the cast on a regular basis, but i am lazy and don't have hours to lounge and get ready) and witty. but remember, you have to shut off your brain - you can't just watch it and expect truth - you have to watch it and stop all reason. one of the best parts of the show happens to be the 'New York Magazine' recap - which comes out every tuesday and the writers of the blog give points for things and take away points all based on plausibility. and trust me, the plot can be unbelievable at times, but also, like the best episodes of 'mean girls' ever (if said film was a television show/real life).
and the past two episodes have taken place in the publishing world, and of course, the writers are doing their best to make sure the world of anna wintour is insane! and crazy! and packed with running around like the world is about to end. insane and crazy and lots of running! like, 'creature from the black lagoon' mixed with every b-level horror movie where people have to run.
since the writers work in publishing (as do i for a short while longer) they can write and about the truth and lack thereof. and this truth rang true:
• Blair gets assigned ten things to do in the first hour she shows up at work? Ten things that Epperly helpfully typed out on a list? Since when are internships that organized? Our interns sit around on Twitter all day and are lucky if, at some point, someone happens to pass by and ask them to make a list of things Natalie Portman said this month that made her sound fat.
truth because our interns beg to pack boxes because they are le bored. and trust me, the world where i work is not full of people dressed for a runway show and on the verge of eating a post-it note. we are calm beings - for the most part. life is like that. real life. not television.
but it's television, and yes, it's fun to see a heightened version of my life. because in my mind at times, publishing is batshit crazy.
and the past two episodes have taken place in the publishing world, and of course, the writers are doing their best to make sure the world of anna wintour is insane! and crazy! and packed with running around like the world is about to end. insane and crazy and lots of running! like, 'creature from the black lagoon' mixed with every b-level horror movie where people have to run.
since the writers work in publishing (as do i for a short while longer) they can write and about the truth and lack thereof. and this truth rang true:
• Blair gets assigned ten things to do in the first hour she shows up at work? Ten things that Epperly helpfully typed out on a list? Since when are internships that organized? Our interns sit around on Twitter all day and are lucky if, at some point, someone happens to pass by and ask them to make a list of things Natalie Portman said this month that made her sound fat.
truth because our interns beg to pack boxes because they are le bored. and trust me, the world where i work is not full of people dressed for a runway show and on the verge of eating a post-it note. we are calm beings - for the most part. life is like that. real life. not television.
but it's television, and yes, it's fun to see a heightened version of my life. because in my mind at times, publishing is batshit crazy.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
fly away with me
as many of you know, i love film. to an insane degree. i love the advertising aspect of films, the joy of a friday night opening and of course, award season. each year, my whole five-year old self comes out to play and like a kid in the sand, i go nuts. i watch what everyone wears, i listen to their speeches and i approve or judge who won.
lately, i have wanted to have some changes - some shake-ups and surprises when the awards are handed out and even those who are nominated. while i am (sadly!) not a voting member of the academy, i hope the voting members are not easily swayed by the media and the "for your consideration" ads found in the trade magazines. meaning, i hope everyone allowed to vote actually watches the films that are nominated. ps, i would love to join the academy. it would be a dream come true. seriously.
so, this also makes me wonder why some people are nominated, while others are not. i don't know the whole nomination process (it's lengthy i've come to find out per my research) and it intrigues me that some people are not nominated though i often think they should be. examples would be this years documentary race, where the hilarious "joan rivers: a piece of work" and interesting "waiting for superman" were not nominated - even though both were critical darlings in the film community and general public.
another example (but there is a reason!) would be the costume design for darren aronofsky's "black swan." the dark film has costumes designed by kate and laura mulleavy - and i know most people will not know who those are. but the sisters are the creative duo behind the fashion line 'rodarte' which i hope many of you have heard of. if you have seen the film, you know the costumes are a major component of the film (as well as the score which gives it a nice off-key tone and the art direction) - the sisters handmade the ballet costumes and the crown. long story longer, they were not eligible by the academy.
and here is the reason: it's about getting credit where it is due. meaning, the sisters didn't negotiate being credited in the final cut of the film and only the official designer of the film will get the nomination. which hurts the sisters and the general costumers because sometimes, and "black swan" being an example, the costumes helped make the picture. and in my naive world, i feel they did the most work and helped give the film a feeling.
i wish they would take a play from the tonys, which awarded all three leads for "billy elliot" the tony for best actor. normally, the tonys nominate the individual who acted the part on opening night - but the organization overruled and it was for the better.
so any thoughts? any people you actually wished was (or have been) nominated that wasn't?
lately, i have wanted to have some changes - some shake-ups and surprises when the awards are handed out and even those who are nominated. while i am (sadly!) not a voting member of the academy, i hope the voting members are not easily swayed by the media and the "for your consideration" ads found in the trade magazines. meaning, i hope everyone allowed to vote actually watches the films that are nominated. ps, i would love to join the academy. it would be a dream come true. seriously.
so, this also makes me wonder why some people are nominated, while others are not. i don't know the whole nomination process (it's lengthy i've come to find out per my research) and it intrigues me that some people are not nominated though i often think they should be. examples would be this years documentary race, where the hilarious "joan rivers: a piece of work" and interesting "waiting for superman" were not nominated - even though both were critical darlings in the film community and general public.
another example (but there is a reason!) would be the costume design for darren aronofsky's "black swan." the dark film has costumes designed by kate and laura mulleavy - and i know most people will not know who those are. but the sisters are the creative duo behind the fashion line 'rodarte' which i hope many of you have heard of. if you have seen the film, you know the costumes are a major component of the film (as well as the score which gives it a nice off-key tone and the art direction) - the sisters handmade the ballet costumes and the crown. long story longer, they were not eligible by the academy.
and here is the reason: it's about getting credit where it is due. meaning, the sisters didn't negotiate being credited in the final cut of the film and only the official designer of the film will get the nomination. which hurts the sisters and the general costumers because sometimes, and "black swan" being an example, the costumes helped make the picture. and in my naive world, i feel they did the most work and helped give the film a feeling.
i wish they would take a play from the tonys, which awarded all three leads for "billy elliot" the tony for best actor. normally, the tonys nominate the individual who acted the part on opening night - but the organization overruled and it was for the better.
so any thoughts? any people you actually wished was (or have been) nominated that wasn't?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
when you dream
so, it has happened. that one obstacle we must all eventually come too: the second job.
it's true, empty internet space and few readers - i have accepted a new job. this is important for a variety of reasons.
1) i am moving back into advertising. i have always loved advertising. i find it truly interesting and it is something i love through and through. i've grappled (i am sure you have read) with the notion of where i fit in with advertising and this new job is the perfect starting off point to get me where i want to be. plus, the client is just awesome.
2) as much as i love my current position and the people i work with, i was starting to itch. i think it was because it was my first job, and i wanted to really begin my career. i say that because when i graduated, i didn't know exactly where i fit in (point 1) and there were no job opportunities available because the recession was swinging its big stick and demolishing everything in site. so, i'm not saying i took the first job that was waved in my face, but i did take a job that i thought "maybe this will be perfect." and it was perfect for then, but overall, i don't think it was perfect for the future. someone else is going to get my job, and they are going to love it and make it theirs. i wish them all the luck.
3) i am living in the big apple, and have moved jobs. this. is. HUGE! yes, i am very lucky to have a job, and even luckier to not have a lapse in working. and it means i am mildly successful in establishing myself in the city. i hope that doesn't come across as cocky. i just am really excited that i can make a move and not be lost.
so that's that. i am going to miss some things about my job, but excited and overjoyed about the new things i will learn and experience. which is what is really important i do believe.
in other news, snow has fallen all over the city and it's past the point of acceptable. really, i would like to fast forward to early spring and enjoy the sun because i am in dire need of a tan. i think most of new york can agree with me on that. i mean, i saw a picture of me on facebook and it was insane - almost on par with edward cullen. yeah, i went there.
i'm off to go burrow.
it's true, empty internet space and few readers - i have accepted a new job. this is important for a variety of reasons.
1) i am moving back into advertising. i have always loved advertising. i find it truly interesting and it is something i love through and through. i've grappled (i am sure you have read) with the notion of where i fit in with advertising and this new job is the perfect starting off point to get me where i want to be. plus, the client is just awesome.
2) as much as i love my current position and the people i work with, i was starting to itch. i think it was because it was my first job, and i wanted to really begin my career. i say that because when i graduated, i didn't know exactly where i fit in (point 1) and there were no job opportunities available because the recession was swinging its big stick and demolishing everything in site. so, i'm not saying i took the first job that was waved in my face, but i did take a job that i thought "maybe this will be perfect." and it was perfect for then, but overall, i don't think it was perfect for the future. someone else is going to get my job, and they are going to love it and make it theirs. i wish them all the luck.
3) i am living in the big apple, and have moved jobs. this. is. HUGE! yes, i am very lucky to have a job, and even luckier to not have a lapse in working. and it means i am mildly successful in establishing myself in the city. i hope that doesn't come across as cocky. i just am really excited that i can make a move and not be lost.
so that's that. i am going to miss some things about my job, but excited and overjoyed about the new things i will learn and experience. which is what is really important i do believe.
in other news, snow has fallen all over the city and it's past the point of acceptable. really, i would like to fast forward to early spring and enjoy the sun because i am in dire need of a tan. i think most of new york can agree with me on that. i mean, i saw a picture of me on facebook and it was insane - almost on par with edward cullen. yeah, i went there.
i'm off to go burrow.
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