i love advertising. but maybe not the advertising i thought i loved?

this might be a word vomit post.

the first few moments of spring have occured. and i must say, the city of new york is a glorious place to be. she looks great dressed in sunlight. all bright and cheerful. like a well dressed woman who is showing some leg for the first time in a while. a welcome shock that sends your heart racing just a wee bit.

a lot has happened in the past few weeks and i would love the chance to share.

first, we all know i have been trying to better myself through the education of higher learning from SVA. it's been a great run, but i have realized that i overdid it by taking two classes this semester. i should have stuck with one and focused all my attention on that. with that, i am thinking about taking the class, or one of the classes over again next semester. that is, if i don't have a job by then. which, let's hope i do. this economy better get the ball rolling in kicking butt again because i am not going to have it any longer. nor do i think most other people will either. it's a pretty depressing state still.

however, these classes have taught me something. and that something is this: i might not really love creative as much as i thought i did when i first started out. i mean, i love being creative and i love creating things and it is truely a gift that i have. so i am pretty fortunate. but, the whole experience has left this dreadful taste in my mouth. working on the ads, i find myself not even inspired or able to think. it becomes a frustrating endeavor because i just can't get into it! i don't understand. i stare and the paper and keep working on ideas and everything just feels ridiculous. not even a new idea comes to me. and i try to just go crazy.

but i have had this mentality that i am afraid of failing. i blame school for this. because it has ingrained in me this idea that i need to get an 'A' and if i don't, then i have failed as an individual, and therefore have brought shame to my parents for not succeeding and shame to my professors who thought i could have done better.

but i think the true error in all of this is that people in advertising try to pigeon hole you into one thing or another. Copywriter. Art Director. Account. i don't think that you should or can. i do agree some people are better with art than others. And some like words more than others. It's their choice. But i love both. i enjoy layouts and words. additionally, i think that it is important to know both and realize how both work. maybe though, that is what portfolio school is for? oh gosh, another can of worms i just opened.

through this storm of self discovery, i actually have some great news! an amazing agency by the name of mccann erickson called me and told me i was part of their summer internship program as a copywriter! which is by far awesome of awesome. i danced and jumped on the corner of 87th and lexington.

it might not be the best thing to take an internship. afterall, i am almost two years out of college and should get on with my life. but the world (read: the u.s. economy) managed to implode on itself and happened to do it right when i was graduating. sweet.

i am still looking for the job of a lifetime. or the job for right now. i am pretty blessed to have parents and friends who are still supportive. i owe them something nice when i get rich.

i'm not afraid of school.

so, i have begun a grand escape into higher education. the school of visual arts (sva) is my new home for two classes - portfolio and copywriting. monday was my first class, and it was a doozy. it made me have a tidal wave of emotions that i haven't felt in a long time. most importantly, it made me realize my huge and undying love for advertising.

which, i think is the most important take away from this next semester. as i have been living in nyc for almost 2 years, i have constantly viewed my career as futile. i have had internships and minor jobs, but never a real job, with a real salary and benefits. so i think for me, and most other people in my predicament, i have searched and searched to understand if my job was the right one for me because if it was, then i would be employed.

but then, you have to remember you are one in a million, or thousand at least, in the same situation, gunning for the same thing. which sucks about as hard as being eaten by a bear. because it's a recession, and the economy is an ugly thing right now. and to add with that, you are also competing for the same thing as everyone else.

thirty minutes into the class, i knew i loved it. and i was going to love advertising. it has been a good while since i have been in a classroom, and a while since i have been allowed to think creatively. and it was a glorious and amazing thing to be given full freedom to just create.

i hope these classes give me some great and amazing and lovely things to put in my portfolio. because let's be honest, i want a job. it's my dream and it's exactly who i am.

hitting the pavement

today, i was keeping with my resolutions and called/emailed for jobs.

so, i begin school in two weeks. and i am excited. i can't wait to get back into advertising, being creative and thinking creative and being with people who love advertising just as much as me.

so, to keep me involved, i am searching for internships/jobs. it's a painful experience and one i don't wish upon anyone. ever. jobs are hard right now, and i am completely aware of the competition out there. i just wish someone was on the other end to answer my phone call. or reply to my email.

today, i think i applied for about 6 "opportunities". they are ones i actually feel passion for, and they made me excited to submit my resume. so i hope i hear something.

as for the rest of my day, i did nothing. i stayed in my pajamas. grueling. i know.

on a total side note, i am wearing my retainer and hope my teeth stay straight. random, i know.