the letter 'f'

last night, i went to an event party with my former coworkers. bourbon was the drink of the evening, and that is what i drank. i've never drank bourbon before, and will never put that poison to my lips ever again. basically, i was body slammed and came home feeling like my 21st birthday, but worse. i'm being honest. i have no idea what happened. but, there is more to the story than my drinking.

living in new york, one gets to experience a lot of different people and lot of different cultures. this also gives people what i assume a very open mind, and the ability to be accepting. except, like always, i'm not (w)right, but rather wrong.

while i was enjoying the poison with my friends, a man came up and tried to talk to us. being with girls, i understood the appeal. so i humored the stranger for a short while and then moved my arm and body to signify we were done with the conversation. he starts getting irate and starts yelling at me about all sorts of things that were neither here nor there. i turn around and tell him "we're done here" and ask him to leave us alone. well, he didn't. he started yelling more and said the ultimate word "faggot." he said this many times in the course of a few sentences and i was beyond any emotion. i felt disgraced, humiliated, broken and ugly. the words were delivered with a sense of hate, and that's something you can't just get over.

you would think, being from texas, i would have encountered more words like this, with attitudes to match. but i never did. i had a great childhood and an even more perfect family and friends. never did i ever feel wrong. so, to be called a faggot in a bar in front of friends in a neighborhood that is known to be a gay area, was shocking and still hurtful.

words, as i am sure many of you know, hurt. i've never experienced the full extent of that phrase until now. it's humbling.

i'm a fun person, i like to believe. and i am pretty liberal in many things and to have that word thrown is jarring. while the sentences were flying and the words were being hurled, i was mildly frightened about where the upcoming actions might escalate. do i fight? well, i have never been in a fight and the guy was bigger in weight than me. and i didn't know if he was going to just punch me and that was it. i didn't know what was going to happen. but i knew i didn't feel safe. but i think this was the first time in this city i have never felt unsafe,

all things considering, it ended fine. the security people took him outside and he left. nothing much to say really. done and done. and even if there was something else to say, i couldn't tell you because shortly afterwards, the poison took hold of me and my body.

when you dream

so, it has happened. that one obstacle we must all eventually come too: the second job.

it's true, empty internet space and few readers - i have accepted a new job. this is important for a variety of reasons.

1) i am moving back into advertising. i have always loved advertising. i find it truly interesting and it is something i love through and through. i've grappled (i am sure you have read) with the notion of where i fit in with advertising and this new job is the perfect starting off point to get me where i want to be. plus, the client is just awesome.

2) as much as i love my current position and the people i work with, i was starting to itch. i think it was because it was my first job, and i wanted to really begin my career. i say that because when i graduated, i didn't know exactly where i fit in (point 1) and there were no job opportunities available because the recession was swinging its big stick and demolishing everything in site. so, i'm not saying i took the first job that was waved in my face, but i did take a job that i thought "maybe this will be perfect." and it was perfect for then, but overall, i don't think it was perfect for the future. someone else is going to get my job, and they are going to love it and make it theirs. i wish them all the luck.

3) i am living in the big apple, and have moved jobs. this. is. HUGE! yes, i am very lucky to have a job, and even luckier to not have a lapse in working. and it means i am mildly successful in establishing myself in the city. i hope that doesn't come across as cocky. i just am really excited that i can make a move and not be lost.

so that's that. i am going to miss some things about my job, but excited and overjoyed about the new things i will learn and experience. which is what is really important i do believe.

in other news, snow has fallen all over the city and it's past the point of acceptable. really, i would like to fast forward to early spring and enjoy the sun because i am in dire need of a tan. i think most of new york can agree with me on that. i mean, i saw a picture of me on facebook and it was insane - almost on par with edward cullen. yeah, i went there.

i'm off to go burrow.

one year baby.

today is friday. which means it's the weekend. which means, i am excited.

this past weekend was memorial day. hopefully, everyone out there knew that and was able to celebrate in grand style. i myself made it to a couple of BBQ's and was quite in love with the smell of all things lighter fluid. it reminded me of texas.

one BBQ was in brooklyn. i left the island. and it scared me. also, i looked like i just arrived off my yacht, and had finished a conversation about harvard. naturally, i didn't fit in. it was humorous.

this weekend, one of my close friends and i will celebrate our one year anniversary of moving to the city that never sleeps! it's a big deal. and even though we haven't lived here for a full year (i went to chicago, she went home after our respective internships) we both came back and that is what matters.

so we are going to be all touristy. and cute. and if you see us squealing like 17 year old girls, well, don't be surprised.

brian: 1. new york: 0

the first thing i was excited about when i moved to nyc was the excuse of never having to drive anywhere. i was in loooooooooooove with public transportation for so many reasons, but the two most important was i could leave the hard work to someone else, and i didn't have to worry about trains. above ground i mean.

so my internship sinfully entrusted me with an automobile. a volvo to be more specific, which was probably for the best since i have a track record worse than most normal human beings. that being said, i was told to drive around in the nation's largest city like it ain't no thang. also, this was the first time i have really driven in a long time, and the first time i have driven in nyc.

the biggest city i have ever driven through has been dallas. but i mean, i used to live there and it was seriously nothing. coming to nyc and driving, man. what a way to release some pent up frustration. i could honk my horn at anyone and anything, i could speed around the city (for the brief 2 seconds i was allowed to before i would hit a car or a pedestrian, or a red light) and i could pull over anywhere and not get in trouble. seriously, try that in dallas and see how many cops surround you in less than 5 minutes.

BUT THE MOST EXCITING PART OF MY DAY!!!!!!!! i found the only drive-thru McDonald's in the city. and i used my driving privledges to take erin, ja and myself into a little place i call heaven and experience some good old fashion food.

i don't plan on driving around the city for some time. i mean, it was probably a fluke i didn't kill anyone. i feel i am pretty indestructible individually considering what i have been through so i am not too worried about dying ... yet.

but i think i will leave the driving to someone else for a while. trust me.

this is my first blog.