and my celebrity crush is...

guys (and gals): i have a confession. a very true confession to make. my celebrity crush, and faux boyfriend, is and always will be jake gyllenhaal. i don't know why. i can't explain it. i love him.

i've seen every one of his films. he is probably the one celebrity, out of ALL OF THEM, that if i was so see him walking nonchalantly down the streets of NYC, i would lose my shit, then regain composure, then request a picture with him. i would probably, also, get really close to him in said picture. depending on the situation, i would try to make conversation. i would say i'm a huge fan - a true fan, not some sloozy girl fan who only wants to add a notch in her celebrity belt. i would then never wash my shirt again.

that sounds stalker-like. and probably creepy. but i think he is just awesome. like, he seems like a guy i could get a beer with. someone who i could hang out with - go for a run, play some tennis. we would be best friends. we would talk about girls. we would talk about guys. we would talk about that one time on the red carpet when so-and-so did that one thing, and we all laughed about it at the after-party. but it was a blind item the next day on page six. i mean, we all knew, but we weren't telling anyone.

so, i think he is the one person, the one person i don't even freaking know, who i would be devastated if he was to pass away (no morbidity intended). like, the way people cried over whitney houston, michael jackson, or sonny bono - i would be that person. tears streaming down my face like old yeller was just shot (spoiler alert). i don't know why either. we're not in the same social circle (yet), but on some level, i think - and this might be why celebrities are celebrities - we would be friends. he's accessible to everyone. funny, friendly, outgoing, calm.

anyway, he's also in this music video for this band called 'the shoes' playing a serial killer. weird, right? weird...and hot. even him being all mass murderer, crazy person wearing a fencing outfit doesn't make me not like him. it only furthers my view that he is amazing and when we grabbed coffee, he would tell me all the funny stories about shooting it - how the director farted or how they were taking shots after each take.

view the music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt9wnawn7xQ

we all have that one celebrity crush and this one is mine. forever. stay away, bitches. especially you lohan.

take me to paris...not.

very few things make me absolutely envious. i mean that. i'm dramatic at times, and say things in a fashion that has a hint of truth to them, but not 100 percent accurate. it's like, when i say i hate someone - i don't really hate them. it's just my tolerance for that person is at an extreme low and really shouldn't be tried.

what am i envious of? every single person that dates jake gyllenhaal. i love him. he's my faux boyfriend. and, i mean, all i want to do his hug him, in a giant bear hug. the same type of hug i once gave mickey mouse when i was six. true story. there are others, but i don't know if that's fit to print.

what else you ask? oh, i'm ENVIOUS (capitalization: necessary) of my mom and brother for taking a trip to paris for two weeks, while i wasted away in nyc. now, before you lambast me for the before sentence, hear (read) this: i've never left the country. the furthest i have ever been is here, in nyc. well, technically, rhode island, but whatever. i was going to leave the country right after graduation, to visit ecuador with my best friend and his sister (side note: my mom is from ecuador) and that didn't happen. why? because i was moving to the greatest city in the world. so, i was never able to visit the motherland of my mom. and now, working, i don't have the luxury i once had. you know, working sucks sometimes.

if you know me, you might know i have always wanted to go to paris. ALWAYS. i mean, everyone wants to go to paris. but if you were to meet my brother and me, you would notice two things: 1) we are very different people. i see fashion, he sees car engines. i see the arts, and he thinks vin diesel deserves an oscar (my apologies to the academy for typing that sentence.) 2) desire and appreciation.

anyway, my mom told me she didn't ask me because i just started a new job (lie: i started my job about 8 months before she left. my brother started his job in june. do the math. but, i guess that's one of the perks of working at my mom's company?) and thought i wouldn't get vacation. minor truth, but i could have taken off just not the whole time. so, she left me here, in the usa all alone. sad face.

my brother and i share a series of giant fuck-ups. mine are minor in terms of his, but doesn't that buy me some sort of "take me to paris" card? no? am i being selfish? ridiculous? if you think so, then i don't want to hear it and we aren't friends.

what started this rage was this: my brother put the pictures on facebook which through me into a minor funk and i apologize to the oreo cookie container i demolished in my blind moment of decay. i was jealous he and my mom were able to experience those things. the eiffel tower. notre dame cathedral (FYI! my brother pronounced it like the school. incorrect. INCORRECT! SEE! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!) also, it then put me into a funk of who is going to visit that beautiful city with me? i can't ask my mom or brother - they would piss me off in some respect because they did it first. i need either travel virgins or friends who i love/like/tolerate. or jake gyllenhaal.

but what softened the blow: my mom sent me a little care package filled with goodies that i absolutely adore and love. the contents included:
-two scarves. before my mom left, i would send her weekly emails on one particular scarf i wanted. it was this gorgeous checkered scarf that i could find anywhere, but for some reason, i wanted it from paris. i didn't get the scarf. but, she found two awesome scarves that are exactly my taste and style and i wore one today.
-cookies. i love cookies. i love sweet things. i love cookies.
-a key chain. this is perfect for my myriad of keys i always lose at work.
-a shot glass. duh. i'm a prepster. we can never have enough shot glasses. in fact, we're always too short in shot glasses. truth.

but seriously, where is jake gyllenhaal?

late mid-twenties crisis?

yes, it's true. i've been a 27 year-old boy/man/adult for 4 full days and i am already having a crisis. case in point, i've started throwing out all of my clothes. literally. i have 3 (small) bags filled with clothes. why? i know people throw out or donate their clothes all the time. but i love clothes. i love my clothes. but, now that i am 27, i want to start acting more like an adult. i say that all the time. but, i think once i start on my outward appearance, i will then start acting like a real adult.

essentially, i've been wanting to start having work outfits. mary can attest that i have a very lax wardrobe at the office, and while i love that, and relish in the days that i can wear a hoodie to the office, i also know that i need to start being more mature. so, i thought: why not have work outfits! novel idea, dear brian. i actually think that will be more beneficial to me as well, and i have even started looking at things not as "awwww, cute. must. have. now." but rather "well, can i wear this to work and does it fit into my professional wardrobe." maturity!

the feeling on that above paragraph is i have a lot of clothes. a lot of great clothes. i can talk about clothes for days. i love fashion. i find it so interesting. and sometimes, i don't have enough of it. but, digressing, i want to start minimizing my weekend clothes and focusing on my adult week clothes. besides, let's face it - when i am doing anything on the weekends, i'm in comfy lounge clothes until it's time to go out. and then, when i do go out, i'm in a v-neck and jeans or shorts. but i guess, i'm so scared to try being more adult because ... well, i don't know why. i don't mind dressing professional. but it has to be the RIGHT type of professional. it's a trying on, and tailoring situation.

i'm also worried i am falling behind in a lot of work things. everything seems to be coming at all directions, and while i love it and love learning, i can't help but wonder if i am not being allowed to learn more. what i mean, is i don't want to feel like just hands to the people i work with. i want to participate in more, and it's frustrating when you are not needed, but needed at the same time. it's just a literal cluster fuck. but, i still love what i do, and am excited for all the new things, regardless of my personal issues with things. that's not hindering me in the long run. it's just a mild hurdle. (mildly vague paragraph)

on a side note, nicki minaj's "super bass" is highly addictive. and i mean that. i've listened to it on repeat for a while. followed by jack's mannequin. so i mean, my musical taste is highly varied.

hurricane irene also came to party for my birthday. she was fun, and provided a great backdrop to a great birthday weekend. i'm glad she decided to calm down a little, and not steal all my thunder.

i'm also really sick, and can't seem to get better. i even had a nose bleed today at work and not just one, but both nostrils decided to erupt blood out of my nose. TMI? it was mildly traumatic. and because i am sick, i haven't been able to go to the gym and that's just getting ridiculous. must go soon.

i don't have anything to add to my crisis. but crap, i'm in my late twenties. let's remember though: botox is no longer a joke, but a possibility.

oh, julie.

i figured i will write my blog like i feel right now - a little add.

i saw 'spider-man: turn off the dark' (version 1.0) on wednesday with my good friend leigh. if you want my review, please ask her because we share the same opinion on many things. and my review will be exactly like her review. it's almost like we share mindssssssssssssssssss.

my goal to start waking up early has not been a vital success. rather, i've been sleeping later and later. and therefore, going to bed later and later. this is a terrible, no good, very bad cycle of regression to my freshman year of college. and one that needs to stop. i say this, while i sit in my bed writing at 10pm on a sunday. here is hoping my early night will be an early morning. searz (as in, seriously). i need to get bikini body ready. and yes, i know i don't wear bikini's, but i do wear swim trunks and the gays can be harsh judgers.

oh, i saw an opera too this week! boy, so much culture, i should pinch myself. this time, i saw the opera, 'tosca' with laura, and we enjoyed a wonderful time. our seats were the bomb dot com. seriously. we sat in the orchestra, and were in row 'g' which is about 7 rows from the front. i actually had to count that on my fingers while singing the alphabet - thanks teachers! now, for those of you who know me, i love theatres. i have a huge affection for old theatres, including old movie houses, and for me to go to these fancy schmancy ones is just a plain joy for me. i find the architecture to be divine and so well crafted, and i often wish movie theatres were still treated with such care. instead of the whole cookie cutter idea we have going on now.

and as we finish up the weekend, i need to realize a couple things. one, i need to be more aware of how i say things and how it will possibly be perceived. honestly, and this is from a male perspective, i don't think we fully think things through. and me, i'm one to say things and just say them. i'm not a malicious person, and the things i say, while sound cruel or harsh or sassy or something that might be negative, are not actually meant to hurt. and yes, even though words hurt, i should be more aware of things and what i say. i guess, i have the mentality of just free thought, no filter. which is good and bad.

two, i need to go into yoga knowing full well my body will be mistreated and i will soak my shirt in sweat.

charming, i know.

xoxo. let's have happy days and happy weeks as we welcome the spring weather.

i'm in that awkward phase...

my my my, i haven't written anything in a while. my bad. i should be better. i need to be better.

i'm slowly trying to have a complete overhaul of my life. nothing like, changing my personality (i'm already your sassy best friend! and almost perfect!) but more like, getting on an adult schedule. eating better. being a more productive member of society. those things.

sometimes, i think, "whoa, it's like i never graduated college." which needs some actual explanation. i don't party all the time, and i don't do stupid things (usually) and i don't skip work. but what i do do is stay up later than i should. eat more than i should. get the extra drink when i should stay home.

i'm trying to combat that stuff with growing up. but i guess, the real question is, when do we become - and i shudder when i say this - more like our parents. i mean this in the way that, my parents have their routine, and know what's going on and live very good lives. i feel though, my life is still sporadic and random, and i have no set schedule. i can't even get my laundry done at the same time. my mom can cook a meal with anything, and i have a meltdown the second i step into a grocery store.

when does that change for us? is it a family? kids? significant others? i can't tell you. i wish i could. but it escapes me. it's not that i am not driven, or anything. i just need to get a grip on life, hold on, and see what is going on.

don't let this come across as me becoming boring, or square. no. but what i want is the ability to get up at 7am and go to the gym. and the ability to cook meals that require some knowledge of using a stove. i want to get on the boat of responsibility and see what happens. that boat is rocking, and i'm not knocking on it and i don't have a life vest for life right now. i'm blindly trying to find my way. which, is common for people our age, i hope. it's scary to think, that even with my education and my upbringing and smarts, i don't know how to get steady again.

maybe, it's because i don't want to let friends down. and maybe it's because i don't want to miss something. there are so many 'maybe's' in this, i need to have a solid. i need that foundation because i think it's time that i understand the importance of being an adult.

now that i have typed all this, i wonder if this is what people call "responsibility." ugh.

the letter 'f'

last night, i went to an event party with my former coworkers. bourbon was the drink of the evening, and that is what i drank. i've never drank bourbon before, and will never put that poison to my lips ever again. basically, i was body slammed and came home feeling like my 21st birthday, but worse. i'm being honest. i have no idea what happened. but, there is more to the story than my drinking.

living in new york, one gets to experience a lot of different people and lot of different cultures. this also gives people what i assume a very open mind, and the ability to be accepting. except, like always, i'm not (w)right, but rather wrong.

while i was enjoying the poison with my friends, a man came up and tried to talk to us. being with girls, i understood the appeal. so i humored the stranger for a short while and then moved my arm and body to signify we were done with the conversation. he starts getting irate and starts yelling at me about all sorts of things that were neither here nor there. i turn around and tell him "we're done here" and ask him to leave us alone. well, he didn't. he started yelling more and said the ultimate word "faggot." he said this many times in the course of a few sentences and i was beyond any emotion. i felt disgraced, humiliated, broken and ugly. the words were delivered with a sense of hate, and that's something you can't just get over.

you would think, being from texas, i would have encountered more words like this, with attitudes to match. but i never did. i had a great childhood and an even more perfect family and friends. never did i ever feel wrong. so, to be called a faggot in a bar in front of friends in a neighborhood that is known to be a gay area, was shocking and still hurtful.

words, as i am sure many of you know, hurt. i've never experienced the full extent of that phrase until now. it's humbling.

i'm a fun person, i like to believe. and i am pretty liberal in many things and to have that word thrown is jarring. while the sentences were flying and the words were being hurled, i was mildly frightened about where the upcoming actions might escalate. do i fight? well, i have never been in a fight and the guy was bigger in weight than me. and i didn't know if he was going to just punch me and that was it. i didn't know what was going to happen. but i knew i didn't feel safe. but i think this was the first time in this city i have never felt unsafe,

all things considering, it ended fine. the security people took him outside and he left. nothing much to say really. done and done. and even if there was something else to say, i couldn't tell you because shortly afterwards, the poison took hold of me and my body.

total eclipse of my heart

today, the entire color palate of red threw up on the world. and i'm not one to hate on valentine's day just because i'm single right now. nope, i'm not one of those people who bemoans it and then goes all martha (as in stewart) on the holiday when they are with someone. but i do think it's an overrated holiday and just an annoying waste of red.

beside, if i want chocolate, i will buy myself chocolate. i don't need a man to buy that for me. same thing with flowers. and diamonds...well, i won't get to hasty. if he wants to buy me diamond, gggguuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllll, it better be cartier, in a red box and big enough to make me throw off security when i walk through JFK. so, maybe there is a reason to get behind the color red.

i digress. on the subway today, everyone had roses and balloons and stuffed bears. it was exhausting to watch. even when i was dating M, and during our time together, valentine's day came and i think i told him something along the lines of this:

me: can't we just order pizza or something and watch a movie?

it's not that i am unromantic. and it's not because i didn't care about him (i did and still do, and we still talk!) i just didn't want to celebrate our relationship with everyone else watching and doing the same.

side note, for valentine's day, i bought M this mr. potato head doll from the disney store that looked like donald duck because that was his favourite character and it meant something to him. see, that was much better than flowers. plus, i played with him. the duck, not him. this isn't a romance blog.

anyway, i don't really need one exclusive day to be all lovey dovey. you feel me? plus, if you really do care, and can't decide what cartier item would look best on me, or what burberry trench i need, then surprise me with something on any other day of the year with something that is really thoughtful and all about me.

like, cartier. all i want right now, is cartier.

PS, this is the worst constructed entry ever. but i'm far to lazy to actually edit.

when you dream

so, it has happened. that one obstacle we must all eventually come too: the second job.

it's true, empty internet space and few readers - i have accepted a new job. this is important for a variety of reasons.

1) i am moving back into advertising. i have always loved advertising. i find it truly interesting and it is something i love through and through. i've grappled (i am sure you have read) with the notion of where i fit in with advertising and this new job is the perfect starting off point to get me where i want to be. plus, the client is just awesome.

2) as much as i love my current position and the people i work with, i was starting to itch. i think it was because it was my first job, and i wanted to really begin my career. i say that because when i graduated, i didn't know exactly where i fit in (point 1) and there were no job opportunities available because the recession was swinging its big stick and demolishing everything in site. so, i'm not saying i took the first job that was waved in my face, but i did take a job that i thought "maybe this will be perfect." and it was perfect for then, but overall, i don't think it was perfect for the future. someone else is going to get my job, and they are going to love it and make it theirs. i wish them all the luck.

3) i am living in the big apple, and have moved jobs. this. is. HUGE! yes, i am very lucky to have a job, and even luckier to not have a lapse in working. and it means i am mildly successful in establishing myself in the city. i hope that doesn't come across as cocky. i just am really excited that i can make a move and not be lost.

so that's that. i am going to miss some things about my job, but excited and overjoyed about the new things i will learn and experience. which is what is really important i do believe.

in other news, snow has fallen all over the city and it's past the point of acceptable. really, i would like to fast forward to early spring and enjoy the sun because i am in dire need of a tan. i think most of new york can agree with me on that. i mean, i saw a picture of me on facebook and it was insane - almost on par with edward cullen. yeah, i went there.

i'm off to go burrow.

happy new year!

scene: the prepster apartment, saturday morning/afternoon, winter
issue: the cable is down

yes, it's true. the cable, the gorgeous cable that beams through from the heavens into our television, is down. not working. access has been denied. life, as we know it, will continue. but so far, on this cold, winter day, it looks bleak. and being mildly ill (still?!?!? it's been like a week, at least) all i want to do is curl up, like a big cute fluffy dog, and lay on the sofa watching all the trashy television i can, knowing full well my brain cells are escaping at an alarming rate.

the tv screen is dark. so, i do what people in the old times did. i got on my phone and called people. followed by a short reading of the new york times, and some blog reading. not too shabby. but i will try not to make a habit of this. it's hard.

the good ladies at "a tale of two cities" did a little end of the year quiz. and to help me through my plague of no television, i have decided to do it.

______ was so not worth stressing over.
All I could listen to this year was ________.
Next year I promise to________.
The best thing I ate in 2010 was ________.
The night of the Lost series finale I was ________.
_______will be the new cupcake flavor in 2011.
I'm proud that I ________ this year.
Remember when Kanye ________?

My answers:

that one guy was so not worth stressing over.
All I could listen to this year was the glee cast album.
Next year I promise to have more confidence in the things i do.
The best thing I ate in 2010 was the appetizer and dessert at nougatin (the main course, not so much).
The night of the Lost series finale I was on the UWS, with good friends.
cupcakes without icing will be the new cupcake flavor in 2011.
I'm proud that I didn't change who i am because of where i work this year.
Remember when Kanye 's tweets were turned into songs by josh groban?

so it's the new year. and i hope it is delightful. i have my resolutions - the same ones i will break soon, don't worry. but i hope i can make a change. i'm like, getting older. i wish you all a great new year, and can't wait to see what is in store.

ps, if our cable isn't fixed soon, i might go ballistic and actually go outside.

mentally frustrated

this won't be a happy post. or fun, exciting or anything particular riveting.

so, i have a job that i should be clearly in love with. i should adore it. i am fortunate, yes. i know this. but this feeling just digs and digs until it's this all controlling hole of doom. so today, my boss did something i never thought possible - blamed me for something i had no control over. come, gather. story time.

nevermind, no story. without going into dramatic detail, what happened today was completely disrespectful on his end. i haven't felt so belittled in such a long time (if ever), and it was, to a certain degree, rather humiliating.

so, i am going to move on. and just finish the year on a high. i think we all need a break and i need one now before i say something rash. you know.

on a side note, i am so excited to go home to texas for christmas! and so excited to sleep and eat and do everything like i am 16. but not pregnant.

i am also about to eat so we shall part ways for now.

ps, it's snowing. hello, winter.

more blogging please.

i should blog more. and it's probably criminal of me to even complain about blogging more/not enough on my actual blog. but it is true! i was looking at my side bar of posts, and it showed i only did one post in november. one! it really is the loneliest number.

welcome december. it is finally here. this year has gone by way to fast, and i can't believe we are already at the end of twenty ten. such a good year. but this isn't the post where i talk about my feelings and get nostalgic. no. this is a post where i reprimand myself for not posting enough.

i don't have much else to say. i am le tired (so take a nap...then fire ze missiles!) so i will go snuggle with my 40238304829 pillows in my bed.

mushing of the mind

for everyone not living in new york city, and those who believe fashion is about engrossing as the paving of a sidewalk, friday night marked the second annual "fashion's night out." basically, every major store in midtown - parts of madison avenue and fifth avenue - as well as the meatpacking district and soho had events. these events ranged from staying open past eight in the evening, to having full on open bars. i preferred the latter.

it's a great event which was the brain child of one, ms. anna wintour. and i am really content to see so many stores taking part. essentially, the goal was to get people to shop when the entire economy was in shambles, and it is still the goal. these stores have celeb appearances, champagne and little marketing ploys to get you in. for instance, gant had half naked models standing outside the store. abercrombie, eat your heart out. which reminds me to never walk by the abercrombie store on fifth because they are PUMPING their cologne/scent-of-preteen-children out into the open and it reeks.

so, gant, i love gant clothing. tres adore. michael bastian is currently designing the line - it's a mens line only - and he is just amazing. it's such great stuff! i suggest you check, check, check it out. like, right now. i'll wait.

anyway, most people go cray cray over celeb guests, or celeb appearances. or just a plain ole celeb sighting. just last post, i saw chelsea clinton and totally kept it together. i could have had a conversation with her and not even broken a sweat. what i am trying to say, celebs don't get to me. i never would turn into a bowl of soggy cheerios just because i was talking to chelsea clinton. however, jake gyllenhaal is a totally different matter though.

back to the main road, i find out that michael bastian is AT GANT! i have him sign my book. i get to take a picture with him. i turn into a soggy bowl of cheerios and can't say anything or relative intelligence. i look like a bumbling fool. i probably acted like a bumbling fool too. so now, i see celebs don't bother me. fashion designers though, i love. i. love.

overall, a very successful evening. i hope you are all able to come visit and enjoy the very fashionable night out.

ps, if i wasn't so freaking tired, i would go into more detail about the amount of weird clothing i saw, and how i think it could be better. maybe next post. au revoir.

good news.

The past few days have been rather interesting in job searching.

Part A)

I have been searching for internships to coincide with my schooling. I have just been cold calling agencies and someone actually answered. talking to the person on the other line, it sounded like i might have a decent chance. they never said no, or that they didn't have any space. i figured if they didn't have room, or weren't interested in general, they would have said no. or given me the brush off.

a few weeks went by and i heard nothing, so i followed up. it was right before the holidays and i knew most agencies were closed or not even thinking of hiring/internships/etc. again, she just asked me to give my link to view my work.

PS, i am trying really hard not to say "he" or "she" so i am doing my best to keep it generic.

anyway, received an email later that day saying they had viewed my work and didn't have anything at the time. fair enough.

it just got me really down because it sounded like i had a shot. or at least, something could come of it. and maybe i am not what they are looking for. which is fine. and i totally respect that. but it's rough and difficult to think you see some light at the end of the tunnel and it's gone. just like that. i guess i would have enjoyed a little more upfrontness of it when i first began talking to the agency. such as "well, we might have an internship. it depends on such and such." or "we don't have anything available."

the second sentence is actually what was responded to me. followed by keeping my info on file. it's terrible when all you want is experience and to do what you love and you can't even do that. but it makes me want it more.

Part B)

i had applied for an internship for an agency and went in for an interview this morning. turns out, they liked me and i I will begin next monday. it's a chance for me to remember what agencies are like, and to work on some excellent brands writing long copy. it's two days a week and i hope i will learn a lot that will give me the experience to hit up some bigger agencies or at least find a job as a junior copywriter.

the position will be for one month. talking to HR, she said if it is a good fit, and i am enjoying it they will extend it. sounds promising. i just need to soak up as much as possible during this stint and really make my mark.

interestingly, it doesn't seem like an internship program, like other agencies i have worked with during college. so i feel this might feel more like a "freelance" position, even though it will be an internship.

this doesn't mean i am going to stop looking for positions, or give up on school. this is just the start of what i need for the new year.

published.

since i am only beginning what i believe will be a long, fruitful career in advertising, i still have tons to learn. in fact, i will never stop learning when it comes to advertising.

last night, i was reading "rolling stone" trying to catch up on my music, when i came across an ad for speed stick. which probably won't matter to a vast majority of anyone reading this, but i honestly had to do a double take. it was the exact same campaign i had worked on last summer when i was interning for my agency!

the last few weeks of my internship were completely dedicated to the campaign. we went through all the phases of creating a campaign. we also went through client specifications: small budget, mostly print, and nothing ultra crazy.

but there it was, neatly tucked between a regina spektor article and an allman brothers piece, the campaign i helped develop, staring at me.

it's weird to look at something and realize you don't completely love it. not that i expect to love everything that comes out of my head, or have ever written - but life goes on. and to look at something, and touch it, no matter how you felt about it at the time, makes you nostalgic.

which is then quickly followed by rage because you can't believe they thought this was the best creative, and you really wish you could have stayed to see how it all went down.

and to see it in a magazine, that people read, is just crazy. i wish i could show it to everyone, to show them how my summer played out, and to at least get some sort of recognition. so i think that is what i have to learn. the recognition might never come. but that doesn't mean i should stop trying, or doing, or wanting, or loving. i love this industry. i want to grab it by the balls and squeeze.

ps, i don't have a copy of the actual ad, since i left it at home. but you can click to the site here

now that i have settled into my new job, relocated to a big city away from my family - more importantly my mother who was able to provide fresh, delicious tasting meals in minutes - and have become an "adult" as some might say, i have come to a few conclusions regarding life after college. i will only post one of them here.

i consume food in the way most pediatricians tell you not to consume. today, i have eaten: a muffin, toast, and coffee (but the coffee in a can, pretending to be good for you but is really packed with a few hundred calories and and is actually pretty terrible for you). so far, my breakfast is sorta healthy. sorta. moving on, for lunch i have eaten oreo cookies. and washed it down with a dr pepper - which will be referred to from here on out as DP).

and don't get me started on the past few days. entire cartons of mac and cheese. chocolate. donuts. mcdonalds. fritos, sans bean dip.

i think my diet is far worse than that of a 1st grader who has a nickname of chubs and wears shirts a few sizes too small. i don't know if this is to be blamed on my new occupation of being a 9-5er, but i do have issues with what i am ingesting into my body - but i clearly am doing nothing to combat this issue. only time will tell if i start breaking out in zits like a high schooler, or if i really will become your friend chubs. but i don't think i can take the latter because i already have a double chin thing, thanks to the lack of definition in my jaw line, and i don't want to add to it.